Patience

Baby Kai is now "officially" 1 week over due based on the doctor's estimations, which basically means, well, nothing in my opinion.  It is simply an estimation and although I am so ready to meet this precious soul, I have had so much healing and insight come to me in this week of "waiting".  

The statistics say that fewer than 5% of babes actually come on their due date, so aside from my frequent washroom visits, I am in a place of peace and joy about it all.  Now, if you know me well, I am a very "go with the flow and trust that everything is going to work out" type of person, which seems to trigger lots of interesting comments from observers.

I've had the "you can't be pregnant forever!" and " aren't you worried about him getting too big?" and "well, do you really want a c-section?" just to name a few comments.  And I take these comments openly into my heart as it challenges me to re-examine my beliefs about the miraculous workings of our bodies. 

2 years ago a Rheumatologist specializing in high risk pregnancies told that he was "giving me the big red light" on trying to have a baby.  That my body could not sustain a pregnancy, that my Lupus antibodies were too high and there was no way that I could try to have a baby.  Let's just say that I did not go back to see him, however I was thinking about those comments this week and how miraculous our bodies are.

It is a divine miracle that my body could conceive this baby, it is a divine miracle that my body has created this perfect soul.  And it will be a divine miracle when he and my body work together to decide the perfect time to come.  Truly. This week has shown me just how much I do trust in my body's inherent wisdom and grace.  It has shown me that no matter how many times the word "induction" is said, that I can look into my heart and know that this is not the way, for me.  And that is perfect.

Something that occurred to me today is how my healing has come full circle in this week of patiently waiting.  If you have read some of my other posts, I have spoken about my wounding around not "doing enough" and how I have pushed myself endlessly to work harder, to speed up - never allowing myself the rest I deserved.  Well, baby Kai has given me this precious gift.  An extra week to rest, his wee spirit saying "Mom, what's the rush?"  A similar message given to me years ago is now coming back through this beautiful baby of mine.  I am so blessed.

I found this poem today that I thought was so beautiful and wanted to share it:

Waiting

Dear Baby, here beneath my heart,
I thought you might come today;
the timing seemed just right.

But the stars are out
And the moon is high
And sheepishly I wonder why
I try to arrange the plans
Of God

For now I know
You will not come
Until the one who holds eternity
Rustles your soft cocoon
And whispers in tones that I will not hear,
"It's time, precious gift."

Now it's time.

Robin Jones Gunn

Teachings For Kai

Lately I have been acutely aware that all that I have learned in my life will be passed along to future generations. When we have children, we have this incredible potential to pass along all of the wisdom that we have gained through our mistakes and learnings.

Today I sit in deep gratitude for all that life has presented so that I can impart some of the wisdom that I have gained. It is my hope that this will be carried forward to the future generations. My precious son will be born to a mother who has transmuted some of her deepest pain into love and wisdom. She still has a long way to go, so much more to heal - a lifetime of continuous learning.

These are the things that my heart aches for him to know, deep within his being. Things that I will share from my soul to his in those precious moments of nurturing and loving all that he is. These 9 months have felt like a time of integration. Like all of the healing work I have consciously done in the past 12 years has culminated into this magical moment of creation. I am birthing this baby, but I am also birthing a more healed version of myself. For this, and so much more, I am grateful.

Dearest Kai, Sacred Child. These are my teachings for you. I know there will be many more and more importantly, that you will teach me more than I could have every imagined. This is only the beginning...

1. Trust in your heart's wisdom and intuition. You always know what is best for you and have this amazing divine, inherent knowing within you. Respect that others also know what is best for them. That *gut* feeling that you get? Those butterflies in your stomach? That fluttering in your heart? Go with it and you will live an authentic life.

2. We are all one. Remember that when someone hurts you, triggers or upsets you that it is a perfect opportunity for you to look at yourself. There will be many mirrors for you to gaze into in your life. People will reflect to you what needs to be healed in you. They will also reflect your beauty and magnificence. Take notice. Heal what needs to be healed and you will save yourself much heartache.

3. Follow the Seven Grandfather Teachings of our people and you will never go wrong. Wisdom, Respect, Love, Humility, Bravery, Honesty and Truth. Know that the animals, the trees, the water, the earth are just as precious as you are. Treat them as such. I will never enforce any religion in our home. However, I will teach you to to walk the ways of our people with these teachings as I feel that they are universal and can apply to all.

4. You are perfect in your imperfections. You are always loveable and divine. Every single day of your life, you are as perfect as the day you were born. Precious, whole, sparkling perfection. This is who you are. Never forget it.

5. You are one with creation, a magical being. You have all of the power within *you* to manifest all of your dreams and visions. Abundance surrounds you everywhere and is available to you, always. Your mother believes that gratitude is the gateway to abundance. Be authentically grateful and your life will be so very blessed.

6. Your body has an amazing ability to heal itself. It is all knowing, all powerful. Your mommy has seen miraculous things happen when people remember this. You will see the magic when you cut yourself for the first time and it heals within days. All of your organs, tissues, joints, muscles and systems work the exact same way. All they need are gentle reminders.

7. "In the end, only kindness matters..." Jewel said it best. Be kind. See kindness in the world, let it open and touch your heart daily and the world will reflect all of this kindness back to you.

8. Always do you best and know that every day, your best changes. When you make mistakes (and you will...your momma has made lots!), forgive yourself, be gentle on yourself and know that you will learn great things from these situations and that you are beautifully human.

9. When someone says that you have let them down or disappointed them, please know that if you followed your truth and your deepest knowing, that it is perfect. Others will be disappointed based on their own expectations of you. Their own attachments. Let that go, honour yourself and know that you did not disappoint the most important person. You.

10. Every thought you think, every word you speak, every energy that you expose yourself to matters. Choose wisely. We are all energy and vibration. Be conscious of this. Speak your truth. Respect other's truth. Think positively. Create healed outcomes. Continue to see the world through your beautiful child eyes. And dream. Dream your heart's biggest, most magical wishes into being. Because it is *all* possible. Mommy has seen it. She lives it... in the creation of you.

A. xo