Truth

The teaching of truth is one that I have been contemplating as of late. The teachings tell us that truth -Debwewin - speaks of walking in a way in which you are not deceiving yourself or others.

Deceiving others, lying. We've all done it. White lie, black lie, multi-coloured lie. It's all the same and it is part of the human process of learning to speak our truth and be honest with others.

Deceiving ourselves seems to be a whole different ball game. Some call it denial or resistance to seeing the truth. Often times it keeps us from healing the deepest wounds that we carry. Through some recent healing work, I can see that this is the next step of my journey. Where have I been deceiving myself?

A year ago, I received my spirit name. It started off as a simple request to my Grandfather. I envisioned it to be a small ceremony with my mother, grandfather and I. The expansion of this vision came when my in-laws found out. Suddenly there were ideas of Mazel Tov proportions. Most of which involved food. Yummy food. Of course.

I was truly blessed to have extended family so interested in this day. The ceremony was beautiful. My Grandfather called to our ancestors in our language to receive the name. Hawk appeared and sat for the entire ceremony watching, protecting our sacred space. And then it came: Naandawi waagikagaan Kwe

Healing Rainbow Woman

Just a few months before, I had done a journey to find my authentic self and she was wearing a beautiful rainbow coloured skirt. She was twirling, spinning and dancing amongst many children. When I heard my name I thought back to that journey and tears sprung into my eyes. This was the next step of connecting to my truth, my authentic self. This name resonated and spoke to many parts of my soul.

I had waited for a naming ceremony until I felt ready. I wanted to truly embody the essence of this sacred name. To carry healing forward for my ancestors and to inspire my children's children.

I contemplated truth. The truth of who we are as spiritual beings in these human forms. The truth of my spirit. Beautiful and perfect in all of her being-ness. And for that day, when I received that name, I could feel it. It resonated through every single cell of my being. Healing Rainbow Woman. This is my truth.

Today I sit in sadness as I see that this truth has slowly fallen away. It has become distorted and wounded. I have been deceiving myself.

For the past couple of months I have been experiencing lots of physical pain. It has been longer and more intense than ever before. I have done all of the "right" things. Cleansed, juiced, spiritual healings, remedies, supplements, meditation. Yet, it is stuck. I am stuck.

And today there was this realization.

I have forgotten my truth. This pain is an illusion. It signifies and represents the unhealed parts of me. It is simply a symptom of a deeper issue waiting to be discovered. In no way does it define me. In no way is it my truth.

So, tonight I find my way back to Healing Rainbow Woman. She is dancing in the stars, her skirt flowing and shimmering a magnitude of colour and vibration.

I am honoured to carry her within. I re-connect. From this moment forward, I walk in my truth. I remember.

My name is Healing Rainbow Woman.

A. xo